Bahhh!

The lyrics in the song below are the selfish words I'm belting out. I'd be lying if I say I totally don't give a damn to the comments of others, especially towards my appearance. It's bloody frustrating and demoralising when every single person you meet whom you haven't met in a long time starts the meeting with 'Ah you've grown fatter!' or 'You seem bigger' or 'you've put on weight' or 'maybe it's because you're big sized'. Talking about someone's weight gain is a downright no-no to me, it's like commiting a mortal sin towards the person. How'd you like it if I came up to you and said your nose grew exceptionally large and out of proportion and is now sticking out of your face like the empire state building? How'd you like it if I came up to you adn said you have a belly so dense that a mobile phone would get lost in the abyss if it went in? How bout how short you are that everyone has to look over your head and that even a 6 year old would beat you to holding the overhead handrail on a bus. Or that your so shapeless and flat like a 'credit card' (quote Barbarella Chantelle Bill) you are? Say I'm fat once I may forgive you considering that it maybe 'instinctive' to do so. But repeat it and I'll never talk to you again.

Picking on a person's appearance is as shallow as puddle of water. Fine that maybe the first thing people observe considering that visual input is the first to be analysed, but can't you control your tongue before blabbering off like a insensitive cow? Don't worry, my 'you's do not refer to anyone in particular, it's just my repressed self coming at every single person (although I cannot remember all the people) who said I've become fat/fatter/bigger/larger/whatever. Since I weigh in like an elephant I might as well have it's memory and remember the people who have very politely overlooked the extra kilos I've piled on and the strangers/family members who so randomly and encouragingly say I'm cute. Compliments can do wonders for people did you know that? I'm not much of a complimenter and hence can't tell people what they should say, but I'm aware of what it can do and am trying to compliment people more.

they say people who think their fat stay unhealthy and fat. Then tell everyone telling me I'm fat to stop making me think/know so and I'll stop wallowing in self-hate. I tell myself now, it's now getting past the initial stage of drastic weight gain, re-meeting old friends, family members(whom I will see in 2 weeks time and can be very sure that my appearance will be mentioned by all 5+ people in the household)

Argh!!

Yes if you can't tell, apart from being fat I'm currently now extremely pms-y, cranky and on the verge of stepping on people, hard.

IT's good to get that anger out once in a while.