Anxiety is a a scary, frightful thing. Your heart beats uncontrollably, crescendoing and amplifying as each second passes, giving the impression that it's just about to spill our of your nose. Then the throat gets dry, and stuck, stiff as if someone has shoved cement down your throat. Swallowing becomes akin to rubbing sandpaper on granite, and the lump never seems to go away even after each swallow. Your voice cracks and comes out with such an uncontrollable quiver such that you think you'll never be able to calm that vocal earthquake. Then you realise that you have to think. The thoughts just fly, ramble, zip zoom and spawn like a overflowing store cupboard that has been accidentally opened. There's no longer rationality. All reminders and mental notes are thrown out of the mental window like a piece of rubbish. You find yourself just fighting and struggling to stay afloat all that chaos, like a drowning cat in the turbulent sea. Muscles you never knew existed tense and contract and spasm. Soon my forehead aches because of the frown. My shoulders arch to the extent of Frankenstein-ness and the teeth clench, gnash and bite. fingers get clumsy and jittery as you try to operate something as simple as the keyboard.
A million things go through your mind. Even writing them in hope of seeing some organisation fails to allay the worry. The stress. The anxiety. Anxiety Anxiety Anxiety.
Cancer shouldn't be the number one killer, I reckon stress is.
I just want to go home and never have to face the world again. Sometimes being a cow, pig or any other source of meat doesn't seem such a bad idea after all.
2 comments:
Why so stress leh?
I have a course on clinical education and patient handling and all that, so the course feels very real and proper. They're teaching us about planning treatment, the different schools of thought and how you go about them and it all seems overwhelming because I don't think I creber enough lor. But okay la, it's just anxiety attacks that come and go. And yes I got booboo!! :D
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