Tuesday, November 06, 2012


Someone told me that self-discovery is very important. And I agree that it definitely is something that is part  of the process of developing yourself, your values, personality and expectations, and through that self-discovery, you hopefully find the best way to handle yourself.

I personally prefer to 'deal with myself' as if I were someone else (as crazy and loopy as it sounds), but hear me out. Let's imagine this scenario: You're a teacher/parent with a troublesome kid - a 5 year old who is throwing a temper tantrum, refusing to take a shower when you want him to and refusing to eat when you want him to. And if you are currently a teacher or parent, you might identify with that feeling of frustration and anger when he just refuses to cooperate. You think in your head: "Why can't you just do what I tell you dammit!??". And this might end up as a push/pull fight, whether physical or not, to see who wins that 'power struggle' of doing what they want to be done.

Often, we get lost and engulfed in that moment. I know I do sometimes. Just becoming telescopic and trying to figure out and get him to get from Point A to B by force. But sometimes, doing so in a forceful manner ends up wasting a lot of time (due to the constant push/pull between the both of you), and causing a lot of unhappiness for both parties. Sometimes if I'm too tired, I end up being trapped in that cycle of pushing and pulling (imagine those 'Yes!' and 'No!' arguements). But sometimes, if I have the energy, I think to myself "hang on.. This is getting no where. Let's just think for a moment why he's behaving this way. What does he actually want?"

And then I take myself out of the situation and just visualise our little squabble as if I were a third person (ala out-of-body experience) and ask myself, how would I deal with this if I were someone else?  I might then try something different, or just step out of the moment for a while to calm down. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. But either ways, at least I become a bit calmer and not burst a blood vessel trying to do something.

So how exactly is this relevant to my point?

This is one of the ways I 'self-discovered' about dealing with myself. Taking myself out of the moment, looking at myself and saying 'hang on, what would this look like to someone else?'  or 'how would someone else deal with this?'. And similarly, it ain't a perfect technique, but it's one of my many coping mechanisms. Probably something I never did when I was younger, especially whilst going through that teenage angsty age (when I read my diaries written then, omgtheshame!

I've discovered a lot more things about myself just over the past 2-3 years, like how I know I'm not a hermit, and can never be one (I used to think I could when I was younger), but I started talking and enjoy it too much to ever go back into recluse. Or how I discovered I'm not actually ready to have children at a very young age (I used to think that you could give me a baby anytime and I'd be fine and dandy, but I discovered that you literally give up your life for your child). But that's all for another time perhaps.

What else have you discovered about yourself?


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