Monday, May 30, 2011

Independence = Loneliness?

 The mist last Monday when I drove back from Gatton. Scary eh?

As I sit here attempting to pound out the last couple of pages of my final essay, I feel dreadfully alone. Why? perhaps it's that inner needy person within me finally starting to whine.

I've always prided myself with being an independent girl, one who isn't bothered with eating alone, or watching a movie alone, or walking around shopping alone, I find my alone time very refreshing and rejunvinating in some sense. It's a time where I don't have to smile if I don't want to, don't need to come up with trivial banter if my jaw is too tired too, no need to compromise my time, tastes or preferences to anyone if I don't wish to etc. In short, I enjoy being selfish sometimes and simply not having to share myself or my time with anyone else.

I consider something such as that somesort of a skill, a survival skill. Being able to do that means that if ever I start developing a pungent BO and nobody in the world (not even the bush turkeys) are willing to 'friend' me or come within 1m of me, it means I'm not gonna keel over and die of a shattered, abandoned, lonely heart. It means I would be able to say 'I don't give a shit,' and continue sipping my bubble tea as I walk down Queen Street on my own (which actually, was what I did today while waiting for reports to be printed).

So what's the problem then? The problem is, by getting so comfortable with being by yourself, you sometimes end up recluding and just not bothering to interact anymore. I mean, I haven't gotten to that extent, but the thing with human interaction and any form of relationship building is this:

It takes 2 hands to clap, and it takes effort to build relationships. Even if it's with a bloody rock.

And if you understand how much that 'effort' actually makes, especially when trying to break into asian cliques (particularly the Singaporean cliques), you'd understand that if you just sat back and waited for people to talk to you and ask you to join their group, you can wait till kingdom come.

Unless of course you're very attractive/hot/good-looking, (because humans are inherently superficial whether you like it or not, and naturally respond better to good-looking people, I'm not kidding) but let's save that for another day, it's too ugly a post post (ironically)

So here I am, attempting to focus my thoughts on my essay and the poor semantic deficits of Mr CC instead of looking around the internet for more useless things that make me feel even more alone.

(I actually youtubed 'Brain Concentration Music', and it actually kinda works!)


By the ways, pictures! Ladybird nails for the last week of clinic! (albeit knowing how unproffesional they are)

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