Decoding Women

 As much as I'd sometimes like to think of myself as an atypical female, I'm still very much guilty of many of the 'stereotypical utterances' of a woman which are never what they seem. (And I'm sure that Mark can vouch for that too).

1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they're right & you'll need to shut up. This one I use quite a bit, but my version would be 'ok la, anything la'

2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this'll mean half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the football before helping around the house.

3) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t do it!

4) A Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you're an idiot & she wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you about nothing. (Refer quickly to No 9 for the meaning of nothing.)
Well I wouldn't exactly say it meant you're an idiot (well for some people it might)

5) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. It means she wants to think long & hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

6) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. I want to add a clause here - This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’, which is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. (Do not say ‘you’re welcome’ - that will bring on No. 7).

7) Whatever: A woman’s way of saying; “F*** You!”

8) Dont worry, I've got it: Another dangerous statement. This'll be something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is doing it herself now. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response, refer to No. 4.

9) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. It means something & you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'nothing' usually end in “Fine”.